Going crazy

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Thoughts: What changed from before the medication to now was that I did not cry. I did not reached the bottom. Which was disturbing, because the crying was one of the signs that made me realize in the past I was not ok. Now I was sort of ok, but I was terribly mistaken about my condition, which prevent me from acting against it.

I thing I can say I was not so fragile or so tired (I took a semester break from my master), so my brain was able to transform thoughts into actions (drawing, writing). At the same time, I learn through therapy and a lot of thinking that I need to exercise my craft, so that's what I did the whole day.

To what extension is drawing being productive? I felt I was productive, but reality was I did not work or went out of my cubicle the whole day. However, I was able to work on my craft that was so debilitated.


Routine: Yesterday was an interesting day. I woke up, went running and swimming. I felt tired. I changed my clothes, got ready, but I felt I could not leave my house. I called sick at work. I overeat. I spent the day drawing and watching tv. The things I watched were interesting, like the documentary about Noam Chomsky at Hulu. I felt inspired.
Then, the other polo. I called my boyfriend and argued. I was sure I wanted to brake up. I was sure this was the best decision. It might be, who knows, but I was anxious to do it. He - smartly - called me to say he was not in the mood for a talk, which was the reason for more arguments.

Now I know I'm not gonna make money as I should simply because there is not a lot of time left in the week to reschedule everything (this is the second day of the week I stay home). Now I face a tired boyfriend. What was the most amazing thing is that I thought I was ok; however looking at the mess I created, I rather believe this is not normal.


But in the end I thought I was going crazy.