Implusiveness and auto judgement

Information:
- "During maniac and hypomaniac states, judgment takes a backseat to impulsive urges".
- "When you're maniac or hypomaniac, it is easy to convince yourself your'e cured or thaht you were misdiagnosed and don't need medication. Do your best to comply with your treatment plan and not give in to such thoughts."
Both sentences from the book Bipolar Disorder: Demystified, by Lana R. Castle

Thoughts: I remember how many times I cut my own hair moved by a incontrollable impulse. The urge was so strong that most of the times I was not able to wait for an appointment at the salon. My hair had all shapes and colors during my teen age.

Another impulsive behavior I'd repeated is that I'd always call sick at work in a impulse to protect myself, wanting to stay at home because I was depressed.

The problem about impulsive decisions is that they don't give us a chance to question why. I believe that some of the times I had called sick I was just tired, and if I had gave myself some time to think about it, I'd force myself to go to work like every person does. But the impulse was coming from a fear of going to work depressed and starting to cry while looking at the computer screen, or making a huge effort to look fine when I was not. During depressing times I also get very annoyed by certain behaviors that I usually disagree, but know I have to live with. Like the sexism at work. All the women have to deal with it, but during depressive times it hits me like a rock thrown at my face.

Routine: A few weeks ago I've cut my hair at 3 am. I woke up so unquiet and I needed so much to DO something that this seemed to be the perfect thing to do. I was lucky that the haircut turned on fine. After that, I was able to relax and sleep again.
Also, I called sick three days. It was not ok, because I'm sure my boss was disappointed, even though he knows my situation. I feel guilty because I did that. I hear myself calling me "lazy", saying to myself I was "overreacting" and that maybe all my bipolar/add thing was just a lie and I should be ashamed. I even felt bad taking the medication as if I did not need it.

When my common sense accuse myself of faking, my first move is to remember how bad and desperate I was 2 months ago.